Hot as Rock Band

I'm in Austin this weekend. We have friends here, and so we visit. First note: it is HOT. I hope to remember this and not complain about DC in August, because Austin in May is worse, and they have many more months of it. Yet another reason why Texans are all crazy. That and how they believe the presence of a quarterback's girlfriend at a football game will determine whether they win the Super Bowl. Oh, and they name airports after one-term Presidents who sire two-term Presidents who believe that Jesus wants us in Iraq. You know, I could keep going. Texans are crazy for lots of reasons.

Second note: barbecue is awesome. We ate at the best barbecue restaurant on the planet last night. You pay $19 and they bring you plates of barbecue (sausage, brisket, and ribs), potoato salad, beans, and bread until you burst. Then, when you think you can't eat any more, they bring cobbler, which requires you to pack in more. Then you roll outside and drive back to Austin, where you collapse into a coma. Good times. Interestingly, it's in a dry county, so they serve no alcohol. But no problem! You can bring a cooler of beer! Or cider! Or wine, which we didn't understand, really, but you can add that to the Texas Crazy List started above.

Third note: we have been introduced to Rock Band. This shit is addictive. It's like Guitar Hero, but with drums, a bass, and a singer. And if you're a guy who owns a big house in Austin, you build a stage for it. About 12 of us got together on Friday night and played RockBand for about six hours. This is perfect for me: I have always wanted to re-create my favorite songs on some sort of instrument. I dabbled briefly in the guitar, but that interest waned when it required, you know, practice. Playing a fake guitar in front of a TV is much more my speed. However, and I don't know what to make of this, I played better when I was drinking. Was I more relaxed? Did I play better with others around me (this was noted as I woke up Saturday morning and played again by myself)? Maybe I just THOUGHT that I played better when I was drinking? Who knows. But we still have another day here, so there is time to determine the answer. And really, who wants to go outside when it's 129 degrees? Seriously.

Mozilla and Past Me - two pains in my ass

Mozilla, oh Mozilla. Why do you pain me so? I love you most of the time, with your browser that doesn't crash every five minutes, your tab feature, even the little fox mascot. There are also other reasons that tech people love, but I don't really care about open source, if it's linux capable or whatever - I think my computer is run by fairy dust and Keebler elves. Anyway, Firefox, why must you hate? Why can't I print ANYTHING out of Firefox on my home computer? Why can't you figure out that I am not printing web pages on index cards? Why? I have uninstalled and reinstalled and there is no love. NONE. One word a page? Really, Firefox?

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This weekend, boyfriend and I sold his car - we are officially a single car household! The greeness! The economic benefits! My joy is marred, however, by the villian known as Past Me- I can't figure out where Past Me put the extra car key. No idea. . .none. I look all through the car, in the glove compartment and the random useless little nooks and crannies. Then I think, maybe it's in the car file in the filing box. It's so logical, thus so unlikely, that it might just be the place. But no, Past Me figured on that and put it somewhere else. I keep thinking of places that it could be, of opening the drawer/cabinet/file/box and finding the key, just sitting on top of everything. I hate Past Me. She was retarded. I am totally out of places to look. And Toyota? They want some sort of key number or some such nonsense that will require a trip to Satan's Amusement Park, known as the stupid effing dealership. Hate, hate, hate.

Mass Hysteria

So this week the Pope was in Washington, and yesterday gave a mass at Nationals Park. I am not here to discuss the merits and drawbacks of Catholicism or Organized Religion, as these are personal issues. Though for those who read my previous post about Opening Night at Nationals Park, you probably don't wonder at what altar I worship.

Anyway, please take a good look at the below photo:




Is there not an odder place to have a religous service than at a sports venue? Obviously a city's stadiums are its largest public gathering places, so when you want a large service, this is where you go. Makes total sense. Except for the fact that ballparks, and particularly this one, were built to be palaces of conspicuous consumption. The owners of the Nationals want you to spend as much money as you might have to your name at their ballpark. The place was built to stimulate every sense from well before the first pitch (if you weren't aware, there is a PLAYSTATION PAVILION behind center field, just in case you missed your Halo or Guitar Hero for the four hours you're away from your house) to well after the game. All the while, they are hoping you will empty your wallet for Ben's half-smokes, giant foam fingers, and, my personal favorite, helmet sundaes.

So, theoretically, what is more antithetical to such blatant consumerism (and the yang to its yin: accumulation of wealth) than religion? OK, ignore the fact that the Vatican's wealth in uncountable, and focus on the individuals whose faith provides peace and meaning to life, and whose chance to be near the Pope is an unbridled joy. Is there nothing weirder than conducting their most sacred rite in front of Ben's Chili Bowl, at a place that tries to sell its patrons as much beer as humanly possible? I also don't know how you reconcile the holiness of the event with the Miller Lite and Geico ads on the stadium garages.

(As an aside, I must also mention the guy on his cell phone who can't put off business for 90 minutes so he can attend a service led by God's Representative on Earth. Seriously, this is messed up.)

The Pope is leaving town today, and heading to New York to give a mass there. Where, you ask? Yankee Stadium, of course. From one cathedral to another.

A brief few words.

C-A-P-S! CAPS! CAPS! CAPS!

Field of Dreams

**WARNING** This is another "baseball, not kvetch"-related post. You have been warned.

We all hope for moments in life to justify the decisions we make. You want that new job to fulfill you more, even though it pays less. You hope the crazy color you painted your walls complements your eclectic furniture. You pray that the test comes back negative after the fun but possibly calamitous "accident."

And you hope that years of slavish (and continually mocked) devotion to a slow-moving sport will pay off eventually with one moment of bliss.

Last night was my moment.

When the Montreal Expos, the Jamaican Bobsled Team of Major League Baseball, moved to Washington, the city was excited. When the DC Council, after much recrimination and backbiting, approved the construction of a new baseball stadium, there was both excitement and dismay at the cost of a stadium in a city whose schools were crumbling. But last night, there was total joy, at least for those hardy few of us present at newly-christened Nationals Park.

When tickets for the first game at the new stadium went on sale, I had two computers and my phone working feverishly to get tickets. Alas, it was not to be. Scalped tickets on StubHub were going for 15-50 times face value. Not gonna happen. But then my wonderful cousin, with her back-alley ties, managed to get us tickets for a high, but not too unreasonable price. And my wonderful wife told me to go for it.

It was oold. The lines for hot chocolate and coffee were atrocious. But after a really remarkable half-pound hamburger (Grays Grill behind the scoreboard) we settled in to watch baseball in My Personal Mecca. And the Nationals did not disappoint.

Baseball is well-known for being slow-moving and often incomprehensible. But there are moments when even the novice fan can somehow feel the tension and excitement of a key situation. With the score tied at 2 in the bottom of the last inning, the moment that justified my decision to spend an exorbitant amount of money to sit in the cold on a late-March night, came to pass.

The crack of the bat was like a rifle shot. I didn't think the ball had the distance. But the first Home Run for the Nationals in their new stadium was the game-winner, hit by the face of the franchise, Ryan Zimmerman. I don't think anybody breathed for a moment, and suddenly I found myself jumping up and down and screaming in pure orgasmic bliss. My wife was crying. A walk-off home run, in the first game in the new stadium, agaisnt a powerful team, on national television. It was the perfect moment, and one I'm sure I will remember for the rest of my life.

I'm not ashamed to admit it. I love baseball, and last night was why.

Damnit, just pick someone!

Listening to the news on the radio, it becomes apparent that we're not going to have a democratic nominee for president until after the Pennsylvania primaries. We knew this for a while, but it becomes apparent how dumb this is after hearing that John McCain, (R-Old) has been making trips to the Middle East (and other countries), trying to solve some problems, meet foreign leaders, etc. You know, stuff that makes him look...I don't know...like presidential material. And, in the meanwhile, there is nothing happening in the democratic race whatsoever, except for the wrangling by two crybaby states over the fact that their delegates won't count.

As an aside, there is a palpable irony to the fact that Florida (who should not, at this point, be trusted to run a high school student council election) and Michigan moved their primaries early, so that they would have a critical voice. If they had kept their primaries when they were supposed to be, they would actually gotten a critical voice in deciding who the nominee was. Instead, they chose to make themselves irrelevant, and are now whining that their votes should still count. And that the national party should pay to run elections again. No matter how those state votes turn out, it'll be a travesty on some level, and someone will cry foul, and there will be infighting and lawsuits.

You always wonder how the democrats will manage to screw up the presidential election. Well, now we know! While the undisputed republican candidate is going off, making friends with world leaders, and not having to campaign against anyone from his own party, he is free to make the democratic candidates look indecisive, non-presidential, petty, and weak.

In short, democrats, just pick someone! I know who I would prefer, but I like the other candidate too. If they were at the head of the ticket, that would be fine with me. And everyone else. Polling generally shows that while democrats have a preference, they would stiull support whichever candidate gets the nomination. But just pick someone! And in doing so, force teh republican nominee to stop going off to other countries, making himself look good, and bring him to task right here, in the 50 states that will determine who becomes our next president. (Okay, likely the 10 or so that will be in play, but we can dream of a fight that might actually have to be waged in 50 states). If we just pick someone, we can actually begin the real fight, showing the American people why a democratic preident (and a democratic congress) is better for America.

But, instead, we'll have at least another month of pointless, unproductive wrangling, where the two candidates snipe at each other, instead of challenging the republicans. Where the superdelegates will decide the winner, leaving the actual voting public feeling so disenfranchised that some of them won't even come out and vote. Where the two candidates, in their rush to win, will tear each other down so thoroughly that whoever wins will have given the republicans ammunition to fight the eventual winner with. And that, friends, is how the democrats will screw up this one. So, for the party's sake, for the country's sake, Just pick one now!

As another aside, can we finally pick someone? Yes we can.

My 1/4 Cent

Ryan has put forth a very even-handed analysis of the remaining presidential candidates. I agree with almost everything he says. From Huckabee to McCain to Obama, he's dead on. However, I think he has not done justice to the shit that the Clinton Campaign is pulling right now. Let me caveat this post by saying I am extremely angry right now, so if the grammar and/or logic is lacking, I apologize.

First, this bullshit with Florida's and Michigan's delegate is completely disingenuous. The states' delegates were barred from voting at the convention because they broke party rules. The party determined this, and none of the candidates complained about it at the time. But now that Clinton is behind, and it looks like she might lose the election, she is suddenly pushing that those delegates, who overwhelmingly voted for her because OBAMA DID NOT CAMPAIGN THERE, AND WASN'T EVEN ON THE BALLOT IN MICHIGAN, be counted. This is exactly the reason that people dislike her so much. She is a blatant opportunist, and will do whatever it takes to win, even if it is borderline cheating.

Second, this superdelegate nonsense is getting out of hand. Clinton stated recently that superdelegates should vote for whomever they want, regardless of whether that person won the popular vote. If Obama were to win the most pledged delegates and Clinton won the election with more superdelegates, we can never complain again about Gore losing in 2000. The people, not "party leaders," should elect our candidate. If more people vote for Obama, he should be our candidate. End of story.

Third, Clinton wants to debate every fricking week. I am going to paraphrase Obama here, who says "we've had 18 debates! 18!" She wants to do this because Obama has more money and debates are essentially free advertising. All of this maneuvering is exactly why Obama is gaining so much support. We are all tired of this political bullshit. That's not to say he won't be sucked into it if he becomes president, but at least he's not making an ass of himself now.