Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Counterfeit? Bastard. . .or slightly ingenious?

I have been carrying around a bum quarter for a week now. If my cell phone camera wasn't a piece of crap, I would take a picture of it. Being that I have never met a cell phone camera I liked, you will have to bear with my description and then thoughtful analysis of why counterfeiting quarters can actually be useful.

I first discovered said quarter when I went to get my 30th soda of the day from the vending machine. The vending machine, being a sensitive, yet cruel mistress, detected that it was faulty and spit it back out. I though she was mistaken and reinserted, with the same result. When I got back to my desk, amidst the pile of actual work, I examined said quarter. It was thicker than the other quarters and just slightly off. It was a MD State Quarter, too.

My first inclination is to be upset. Counterfeit! And my own home state of Maryland is maligned! I can't get my caffeine/aspartame fix! But then I started thinking - this is kind of genius, if you are into counterfeiting money. I mean, they have those markers and laser lights for bills, but nothing for quarters (except for the vending machines - which are smarter than human cashiers, apparently). But who would be the wiser; it's just off by a few millimeters. And no one cares about coins anyway. But quarters can add up - I mean, if you have 30 quarters, you can buy ONE double sided quarter (heads) and win every coin toss! It virtually pays for itself (btw, you can get double sided quarters at, for all of your pranking needs, though I don't think you can send them 30 quarters for payment). Here's a scenario (granted, you would only do this with a mentally deficient person - look for a sideways hat for your mark):

"Hey, let's flip a coin - heads and you give me $20; tails and I give you $20.25" (you can throw in the quarter as a gift)
"Sweet - let's go" says the deficient guy with the sideways hat, full of confidence that he has a 50/50 shot - thought you know differently.

You flip with your new double sided coin, and it's heads - you get $20. And some hugs from the special guy. If you have no problems with taking advantage of the guy who get's paid $2.00 an hour as a Wal Mart greeter, then you are in the green. All of this is made possible by 30 counterfeit quarters used to pay for a double sided quarter.

I am not condoning this, I was just trying to think of scenarios in which you would use a counterfeit quarter that doesn't even work in vending machines.


Thursday, May 10, 2007

People are lazy crapsacks, even by my lax standards

I write this because I was commuting in on Metro this morning, like I do, and reading Express, like I do. Now i know that the fact that it is a free paper doesn't incline people to respect it like they would a Post that they had paid for, but come on....

1. Everyone reads their paper, and then just leaves it on top of the seat, or on the floor. Have the decency to take it with you out of the car, and then throw it out, or recycle it. don't leave it on the floor for me to slip on, as I did.

2. This morning, I passed by one of those "recycle your paper" trashcans. Where you put your used papers to be recycled. It was right by the turnstiles, so it wasn't out of the way, or anything. It says, right on the side, in big letters "please recycle your papers here, when you're finished reading them." It wasn't full, or anything. I deposited my paper, like you'd do. Now, next to it is a trash can. By next to it, I mean literally "two feet away". and farther away from the turnstile, requiring more effort. It was entirely full of newspapers. I'm not sure if people are morally opposed to recycling, or just lazy crapsacks. But in any case, people generally suck. That is all.