Destruction

Bad. So bad. I shudder when I think of it.

We have mice. But specifically, there is one ballsy mouse who comes out while we are watching television, says hello and then runs behind the television. We recently found the nest in our television cabinet, which was bad enough, but then it turns out the mouse was defiling the PS3 and we went on CODE RED HIGH ALERT. Ryoko, our dog, has been trying so hard, but she is an Epic Fail at catching it. But we needed to up the ante, because the PS3 might be in danger, people.

This morning, Ryoko runs to the television cabinet as soon as we come downstairs (as usual), to start her vigilant stalking (and CATCHING FAIL) of the disrespectful mouse. As Brian opens up the cabinet, he sees the mouse tail disappearing under the record player. He moves it, and the mouse comes running out - but I am alert and block her way with my foot (showing some amazing reflexes which haven't been apparent since I was 16 and caused me to check for spider bites that I may have gotten in a laboratory) and she runs into a bag of kindling, in which the mouse is trapped! My joy is fleeting because then I realize we have to kill the mouse. We simply cannot let this mouse live, IT WILL DESTROY THE TELEVISION.

Brian takes it to the kitchen to kill it.

"How are you going to kill it?"
"I'm going to chop it's head off."
"WHAT? Are you a serial killer? Who does that? OMG, GAH, GAH, GAH!"

I am in the dining room, being totally helpful, by screaming really loudly and making references to Silence of the Lambs.

"GAH!" from the kitchen
"WHAT?"
"The head is off and the mouse is STILL MOVING!"

Cue more screaming and flailing from me. Ryoko is so excited she can barely contain herself because she wants to carry the bloody corpse around the entire house and play with it. Which NO, just NONONONONO.

"Why did you chop it's head off? Why didn't you just knock it over the head with the skillet?"
"Oh. Hmm. . ." said the Serial Killer.

So the whole ride to the Metro, we were quiet and subdued, like we had just killed a hooker in Vegas and buried the body and eventually the madness will descend and more people will have to be killed to cover up the first murder and OH MY LORD. We shall not speak of the MOUSE DECAPITATION. Except when I do. A lot. To anyone who will listen. Whatever.