I am as smart as a bucket. . .

Do you ever forget things? Like possibly where you put your keys? Or how to figure out a percentage without using a calculator? But perhaps you can remember where the Regal Begal was and that the older brother in Goonies was named Brand? And possibly lyrics to entire Debbie Gibson songs? Yes? Or is it just me that can't remember anything useful or practical or helpful (but oh, how entertaining)? I started thinking that possibly I should embark on some higher education so my brain doesn't atrophy completely and I end up voting for McCain just because his VP is a woman and I think that all women are interchangeable.

Anway, yesterday morning, in a response to an e-mail regarding higher education in general, I mentioned that I got a Phi Beta Kappa Key in college. And someone else didn't know what it was, so in order not to sound like a total dumbass, I looked up some information about it. And 'lo! I am special and possibly smart and even good at school and it's an honor, people. Did you know that? An honor! So I started thinking "Wow, I'm all sorts of awesome. I will start reading the Economist and do other smart things!" And generally was feeling kind of good about myself. Maybe I should use my brain for more than useless television knowledge

Then I went to Montgomery College to inquire about some more educating that I need for my nonsmart job and possibly to change careers to a more smart job. And still on the high of my aforementioned thinking that I am all awesome, the counselor looked up my records at MC. She casually mentioned that I don't have to take some computer classes because I already took them. Which I have absolutely no recollection of. None. At. All. So apparently I have taken two entire classes and completely erased them from my memory. Gone. Completely.

I ponder how I can possibly have senile dementia already and what I could have learned in these computer classes and when did I take these classes anyway? Then the counselor finds some more records of classes that I apparently enrolled in and never attended. In 1999. And did I withdraw from them when I didn't go? Not so much. So I have a 0.00 at Montgomery College. That's my GPA. A 0.00. I am so not smart.

I try to show her that after that I went on to college and did some smart things and possibly wasn't a deadbeat. I passed classes and even got A's - some with pluses! And did I mention that maybe I got a Phi Beta Kappa? And look here! I took Calculus for Engineers! For fun! My nerdery knows no bounds! But she was still shaking her head sadly and looking at me like the deadbeat that apparently I am.

So she gives me my options. I can take enough classes to average out to a 2.5 GPA (which would be a lot of classes), or I could file an appeal. This morning I look at the appeal form and they need an explanation and supporting documentation for my failure to withdraw. Supporting documentation? I really couldn't tell you what that would be. Possibly will direct them to the Regal Begal. Or something. Crap. Anyone have any ideas for the 30,000 classes I will have to take to get my GPA up? Possibly History of Television? Or could I teach one on how not to think you are all smart because someone will come along and smack you in the face with your dumbassery?