Contract THIS

There are many wonderful things about owning a home.  You know, there's that "every man's home is his castle" shit.  It's cool to have a castle.  But what they don't tell you is that castles need work.  And since "you" were raised by a laywer and a psychologist (and a wicked stepmother- it's a wonder "you" are even remotely sane), you don't have a fucking clue about home improvement.   Sure, you learn little things, like how to paint, and how to replace a dimmer switch, but for the real stuff- drywall, windows, insulation- you have to hire someone.

But hiring someone is a gigantic pain in the ass.  First, who do you trust?  How do you know that this smelly guy is telling you the truth, when the other smelly guy (why does EVERY contractor smoke?) tells you something different?  Second, why does the guy you want to give an estimate for attic insulation insist on trying to sell you windows?  When he can't even fit his gigantic ass through the attic access to give you an accurate quote for the insulation?  And why the FUCK does one guy NOT EVEN SHOW UP without a even PHONE CALL?

On top of all of that, this shit costs MONEY.  Serious cash.  Where does one come up with said moola?  Ah, one "works."  Or more accurately, one sits all day in a littler, shittier box, and similarly fumes about other perceived slights.  All to own his own "castle."  I don't remember the castle needing attic insulation, do you?  Fuck cliches too.  Contract THIS.