Monday, June 18, 2007

In the spirit...

OK, this isn't about work and overtime, because we all know I can't talk about it. Though I'd deeply love to unload here about any number of work issues. But this kvetch is about another one of our favorite topics: assholes.

Though most of you were at my house this weekend, I will explain the setup a bit. I live two doors down from an elementary school in Richer than God Fairfax County. Apparently, parents in this county do not let their kids walk home from school or take the bus. They must be picked up and dropped off every day.

So I live two doors from an elementary school, and a line forms in front of my house each day at 8 am and 3 pm. No big deal, though with all the cars it's hard to see around them to get out of the driveway. However, frequently, some asshole will stop his car in front of our driveway, completely blocking us in. This happened last Friday, while Sharon and I were going out to get all the tasty morsels everyone scarfed down here on Saturday. I looked out the window and saw a guy with a greasy ponytail on his cell phone sitting in his black Hummer in front of our driveway. So I said to Sharon, "let's go. I want to force him off." So I walked up to his car, and he rolled down the window. Here is the gist of the conversation:

Me: "We need to get out of our driveway. Can you move your car?"

Ass Ponytail: "Fuck you."

OK, he wasn't quite that rude, but he did say "I can't back up." My response: "But you're blocking my driveway and we need to leave."

Ass Pony "But I can't back up." (a sharp one, Mr. Ass Pony is)

Me: "well then move up the street."

Ass Hat Pony: I'm picking up my kids. (again, this is just too stupid. I really had NO IDEA why you were sitting there) Can't you just wait a few minutes?

I don't remember what I said here, but it was clear he wasn't moving. I finally slunk away saying "well the next time can you not block my driveway?" Totally lame.

But now I'm on a mission. I'm going to galvanize the block. I have found my passion, and I'm sure we all could have guessed it. I'm 29 years old and I'm going to become the old crank on the block. I'm going to get in touch with the school, and I'm going to contact my county supervisor. Because this is what America is all about: complaining.

But seriously, these people do this every day, and it wouldn't hurt them in the slightest to not pull up one car length. Assholes, all of them.

And on a related note, I described this to one of my coworkers today. Ass Pony, my neighbor who works at the school told me, is a karate instructor who picks kids up from school for his classes. My coworker's kid goes to his studio. He told the story to his wife, only getting to the point where he said someone had blocked my story. Her exact words:

"wait, let me guess. It was a black hummer."

She followed that up with:

"well we've already discussed that the guy is a huge dick." HA! Apparently when my coworker's kid was testing for his black belt, this jackass charged the parents and guests money. $2 to $4 to WATCH THE TEST, after paying him to teach their kids in the first place.

Asshole.

3 comments:

OptimisticalCynical said...

I have a picture, in my head. of Steven Segal. Not the slim, dangerous action hero Steven Segal, but the much more bloagted and doughy Steven Segal. Crossed with Jim Belushi. Am I far off?

The Marshal said...

A pretty accurate description. Though I'm sure he's not that doughy, but I couldn't see him below the neck, because of course he was in a Hummer.

Quintam said...

Ass Pony sums him up. Is he like the instructor for Napolean Dynamite with the American Flag parachute pants?