Rosie O'Donnell is hypocrite and a killjoy, a defense of casual cruelty, and a pithy, pseudo-flagwaving summation

Rosie O'Donnell is up on her high horse about American Idol now. Ever since she decided to make ridiculous attacks on easy targets, (Donald Trump, American Idol), she has become infinitely more annoying. And putting aside the fact that she's being ridiculous, and making attacks solely to boost the ratings of a show that she's going to be forced off of because she is too annoying, she's just wrong.

As an aside, she's getting a second chance at her own talk show, that much like the first one, no one will watch. This is why she's trying to raise her own profile as the queen of nice. This is ironic, because she once told a woman who once suggested that a subordinate at her magazine and her own mother got cancer because they were liars. "Liars get cancer." No. Moral. High. Horse. Ever. (For fact checking purposes, and to avoid slander allegations:) http://www.westportnow.com/index.php?/v2/comments/westporter_bursts_into_tears_at_rosie_odonnell_trial2/)
Anyway, she's wrong about what America wants, and she's wrong about the culpability of the judges. But moreover, she’s missing the point. this is what we all want to see. This is what we all are. My wife and I had a bunch of people over to watch American Idol last week. It’s a fun, social activity. And what’s the point of it all? You occasionally marvel at the good singers, wonder whether the mediocre singers will make it through, and laugh at the pathetic people who suck. Let me say make that clear, with no shame whatsoever, because I know that all of America (except for the Rosies, and they don’t count) is with me.

I guarantee you that the producers show the bad auditions, because they are the foundation of the early Idol experience. The producers cull out people that are either very good, or startlingly bad. the bad auditions, because too many good ones are boring. they cut out the middling auditions, because they're even worse. All you see is good, bad by accident, and bad on purpose. Because that's what America wants to see. I wouldn't have it any other way.

And everyone knows this coming in. People dress funny so they can get on TV. Bad singers aspire to fame for being bad. they want to be the next William Hung. Everyone wants their 15 minutes, and some of them get it. And it's not at a very high price. The "bush baby" guy and his friends were treated relatively kindly by the judges, considering their performances. And they got to be on Letterman and Good Morning America.

Actually, on the whole, it seems that the judges are being kinder than in previous seasons. A performance that was terrible would have previously gotten an "Awful. You are terrible, never sing again, go die in a fire." Now most of these just merit a "It's a no. I'm sorry sweetheart." The judges are actually holding back a little. Why? The causal cruelty of the judges, especially Simon, was the foundation of the first few seasons. As long as they're not being bigoted, and mocking people solely on their lack of talent, presence, and/or showmanship, I have no problem with it.

People who aren't good should expect to get ripped to pieces by the judges. We're certainly doing it at home. That's part of the fun. If you've ever seen the show, you know what you're in for. You're there to get rich and famous, and if you're not good, you should know by now. So, people go on, and be bad hoping to get ripped, get noticed, and get famous. they know what they're in for.

And for all the poor, deluded people that suck, but think that they're good? You're not. It's willful blindness, or you've been coddled by those around you, who don't have the heart to tell you that you suck. You are the most entertaining of all, because you most often throw my favorite part of the early auditions: the Talentless Tearful Tantrum. the one where you cry, swear at all the judges, the show, and against the deity of your choice. then, you march on, screaming (or stating determinedly) that you'll become rich and famous and that they'll be sorry. Through the tears. So wonderful.

And that's what we love to see. To quote Joe Rogan "If I don't know you, I want to see you fuck up". This schadenfreude is the foundation of reality TV shows. Survivor is all about seeing people suffering in the wilderness, starving, naked and sunburned, while you eat your chips by the TV. The bachelor is more about (women watching a man) eliminating girls that don’t fit in. The Apprentice is about beating your opponents, but also about the consequences when they lose. Hell’s Kitchen exists solely so that I can watch Gordon Ramsey verbally abuse chefs. And it’s beautiful.

American Idol may be the apex of all of this. The beginning is just like a standard reality show. Not just bad singers, but Temper tantrums thrown by people who, all their life, have never been told that they suck. Watching the huge, fragile egos of self important/puffed-up people collapse like a house of cards. Then, once that is over, the show turns into a feel-good happyfest, with no overt competition or backstabbing, or anything. Everyone is nice, or at least civil. Teasing is more about playful banter than actual cruelty. Sometimes, people even get second chances. And then we, America, picks a winner, but the talented losers still get their chance to shine. It’s just how we all imagine life should be. The cruelty in the early auditions are an integral part of that. That's why people like Rosie O'Donnell are wrong. And maybe it’s sick, and maybe it’s cruel, but it’s as American as apple pie. And everyone who’s on the show signed up.