Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Orbiting Wristwear

OK, this isn't going to live up to the intellectual rigor of the previous post (was that an actual citation, OptimisticalCynical?), but it's been torquing me for a few weeks now. And all you women out there who read this (all three of you) are going to be laughing that it has finally happened to a guy. Yes, I have found that my body type is not catered to in the fashion world. Apparently, I'm too skinny. For all you women out there who have spent hour upon hour searching for jeans that fit just right, I now feel your pain. My downfall, however, is not denim, but shiny stainless steel. I have had the hardest time finding a watch.

To give you some context, a bit of history: for years, women have wished they had my girlish figure. In fact, in high school, a woman seven inches shorter than me judged her weight based on whether or not she weighed less than I did. And trust me, she looked great; the fault was with me and my Skeletor-like physique. One girlfriend said she liked me because, if we had kids, they would be thin. Well, I have other good qualities too, but that comment stayed with me much longer than any others. For many years, I was concerned about being skinny. Not too concerned, mind you, that I would actually do anything about it, other than eat an occasional CinnaBon, but you know, mindful of it. As I got older, and women started to like me for, God forbid, me, I've cared less and less, to where now I am almost completely comfortable with myself. Except that I now have a belly. But that's neither here nor there...

Anyway, watches. Sorry. So for Christmas, my lovely wife decided that she wanted to get me a watch. However, in her infinite wisdom, she wanted me to pick one out myself. So no problem. We head out to Macy's one day, to look at their watches. They have quite a variety. My only real criteria was that I wanted one with a dark face. It would have been nice to have it be an interesting shape, but I was fixated on contrast. Don't ask me why. We fairly quickly identified several candidates. However, upon closer inspection, on my soda straw wrist each appeared to have the diameter of your average salad plate. If you add in the extreme reflective power of a stainless steel band, it felt like I could have been seen from space.

Apparently, men's watches are all made for bigger men than I can ever hope to be. I realized that this condition is not unlike womens' fashion, where size 00 women are revered as the epitome of feminine beauty. The interesting thing to me, and I'm sure many women also feel this way, is that I don't feel that abnormal. Though I am slender, I'm almost 6 feet tall, which I keep hearing is considered taller than average. I figure the extra height makes up for the lower than average weight, to make me about average. What do the truly little guys do? Are they the ones who wear a Mickey Mouse watch and claim it was given to them when they were four? It's sentimental!

To try to sum this up, we kept looking, and purchased two watches. One of which I returned almost immediately. The other was a titanium watch that had a small face and a dark-toned titanium band. They removed all the links they could. It was still too big. So I returned it, too. After much internet searching, I found a watch I liked, and managed to track it down at my local Sears. Not a place I would have looked for a watch, but hey nobody shops at Sears any more so the service was excellent. The answer? A leather band, with a dark face. It's still big, but doesn't look like it would have its own moon. The only problem is, I have to keep it FOREVER, because my wife doesn't want to go through this again.

2 comments:

OptimisticalCynical said...

Yes, that was, in fact, a citation. A: I am a laywer. B: For some rason, I though that that quote was so unbelievable that no one would believe it.

But yeah, you probably will have to go to a leather band, or get a manly looking women's watch. (I'm sure they do exist). The problem is that the male ideal is big and strapping, which doesn't incorporate your tiny, girlish wrists. =) Just kidding. But if you want a metal band, you may want to look at a manly women's watch. Basically, something in the same style as a man's watch, (so as to not be ridiculed by, you know, me) but differently sized. Fossil may have some good ones.

Paperpusher said...

For what it is worth, I understand your problem. I always buy the watch with the smallest face--no matter what it actually looks like. The maximum number of bands are always taken out. I must say though that you have had many more problems finding a watch than I.

On the topic of thin men, I am constantly looking for pants in 32-30s (I think that is 32 length and 30 waist) for my hubby and most stores never have the size. We always have to order him pants. I feel your pain. The fashion industry discriminates against the small and the large!