Mother Nature Hates Us

While I'm still on hold (see previous post), here's the initial entry from the Oliveri Family Vacation file. I'm sure this file will be much thicker at some time in the future when there have been more vacations and there are little Oliveris, but right now the adults are doing a pretty good job of creating interesting stories, and getting themselves hurt to boot.

Picture, if you will, a beach. It is low tide, and the beach is quite wide. Our hero, his wife, and his cousin are happily playing in the sea. Our hero and his cousin are "bodysurfing," wherein one times the break of a wave and rides its crest into the shore. After a particularly good ride, both our hero and his cousin are making their way back out when a particularly compelling wave arises. Seeing an opportunity, our hero and his cousin attempt to catch the wave. However, being greedy, they are not in the proper position. Instead of gently riding the crest into shore, the wave bitch-slaps them both. The cousin gets tossed around a bit, but no harm done. Our hero, however, had a more violent experience. The crushing power of the wave slams his forehead into the ground and flings his legs sideways over his head, twisting his back in the process. At this time, his exact thought is "Oh shit, am I going to be able to get up." Fortunately, he was able, despite a smacked head, a scraped arm, and some sort of pulled muscle in his shoulder. Upon exiting the water, our hero is told that he is bleeding from above his nose. For the rest of the week, he has a big honking raspberry in the middle of his face, as a type of Stupidity Badge. Two weeks later, his shoulder still hurts, and his back hurts upon awakening from his precious slumber, but he has managed to regain some semblance of pride in his no-longer-marked face.

A second incident in the "Mother Nature Hates Us" saga arose last Friday. Our hero's lovely wife was walking to the Metro from work when the skies opened and rain pelted our beautiful city. Apparently, the managers of said city are not too smart, though, and paved some sidewalks with a slate-like material. Rain and slate don't go that well together, and when you add flip-flops to the equation, the consequences can be Chernobyl-like. Lovely Wife slipped on the slate and bashed her big toe into the curb. After much pain (and notably, no assistance from passers-by) she managed to continue her journey. There was much ice, drugs, and wine involved, but she has managed to regain her ability to walk, for the most part. Still, not a comfortable few days.

So, why does Mother Nature hate us? Not only does she send Stuart Little into our new home, but she physically causes us harm! Why?! What have we done to her? We saw "An Inconvient Truth"! We use those squiggly light-bulbs! We keep our thermostat at a reasonable temperature! We even walk to get ice cream, rather than drive our low-emissions vehicles. Lashing out like this is not going to help us come to her side. Do unto others, right? RIGHT?!

Oh, and I'm no longer on hold. Issue not entirely resolved, but he swears it will be tonight. Right.