Ovaries:1, Depo-Provera: 0

So, as some or all of you know, I suffer from a wonderful disease called Endometriosis. I've had a couple of surgeries for this, and in order to avoid another wonderful day in the hospital, I was placed on a horomone regimen. My little shot of horrors was the wonderful drug known as Depo-Provera. Yes, the birth control shot, comprised of progesterone. A supposed wonder drug, which prevents one from menstruating, like, ever. And has no side effects and is comprised of leprechauns and rainbows.

Mind you, this is the same drug that caused my chesticles to balloon to their current proportions earlier this year as well. Along with the wonderful insomnia, food cravings & road rage I thought I was good to go. Until yesterday, when somehow, I managed to fight off all traces of the Depo. I actually got my period while only 6 weeks into a 12 week cycle. From what I read, after the frist shot, this is virtually impossible. I should not be able to somehow metabolize it out of my system. Apparently, I am blessed with super ovaries, the kind that not only fight crime, but go haywire when faced with the hated, hated enemy of progesterone. Which might explain the histronics. And the overwhelming urge to run people over because for the LOVE OF GOD WHY MUST YOU DRIVE SO SLOWLY? And please pass the pickles and ice cream, because that certainly sounds delicious right now.

So, after a frantic call to my doctor ("Hi! I'm bleeding! Is this normal? Because I'm on Depo? And like, it's supposed to last 3 months? And it's only been SIX WEEKS?") it was decided, that no, NO BLEEDING FOR YOU. I have been assigned a new drug. Lybrel. Which means no period ever again until 2008. Yeah, like I believe that. You think my ovaries can't successfully fight off estrogen as well? Please.

All I know is that if this one makes my chest get any bigger, I'm going to have to join the circus. Or become an adult actress. And change my name to Busty Gazongas or something.